TO LOVE IS TO LIVE

 I never write in here anymore. But i think this is deff. worth writing about.
i feel so sad when i read your entries anymore natasha. im sure you will read this and yes i do still read your livejournal.
All this talk of drugs and of tripping off them makes me feel so sad for you.
I know i cannot be there like i used to be and even if i was id tell you the same thing im writing within this entry...
you make me sad. disappointed. I know its not my place, im not your mother or even related to you but i remember a time you didnt need drugs to feel okay with life. 
i still will always love you but really you do have a problem. it started off with alcohol...and now its drugs.
what got you to this place?
what made you feel like you needed to do drugs to feel okay?
id really like to know.
Again, its not my place to pass judgement but think of it as a friend very much worried about you.
i cannot bare to see you go down the wrong road and ruin your life so early into it. 
i do not want you to end up like some junkie who is coming off drugs and ending up getting so bad you could danger your life.
natasha, you need to please take into consideration that drugs KILL people. especially young people.
i suggest you stop before it takes over your life, or worse, ends it.

im still alive.
i just am jobless.
boyfriendless.
but im still staying strong.
i dont update this anymore. 
hope all is well with everyone :]
 

one of my fav. pictures of me.

well..i dont update this thing like ever. I do however update a different, private journal.
I should prolly update more here. ill try.
Life is interesting. I still have insomnia. Im still the same girl ive always been...overly emotional..too nice and sweet. Too honest.
Yup, thats me.

me^^^

i dont know what to believe in anymore.
petty people arent worth my time.
hopefully going on some trips this summer.
i need out of this town.
my best friend is a total crazy person. i learned that last night.
im still single..surprise...
i dont like boys right now. im fine right now.
august-atlantic city bus trip with joe...
hopefully an amusement park with my cousins mary and ann sometime in the next two weeks.
i have 2 weeks of vacation to use up and i wanted to go see natasha, but yea, shes going to Arizona. soo...hmm...what should i doo????

ciao. i dont update very much.

what can i say?
i havent updated in a while because my life is changing.
the girl who used to write in this journal is a different one now. 
ive moved on to big and better things.
i will still try and update and comment on my friends entries but other than that its been nice livejournal.

anyways..
ive been partying it up on thursdays every week.
i met a bunch of amazing people and every week i meet more.
im single..
im young...
im having a good time.

Heres something thats bothering me....i need to write about it because in my mind it doesnt make much sense.

if you love someone so much, willing to spend the rest of your life with them, how do you go on moving on so fast after a breakup? Wouldnt you think youd take time to get over that person you were in love with before jumping head first, not feet first, but head first into something with someone else not even a month later? It puzzles me how men can be so insensitive to women.  But i guess guys will be guys. 

i guess i just think a little more than others sometimes.

well..thats about it. work 8-130pm tomorrow...mon. a dr. appt. so i have off.

goodnight

waste. complete waste.


Joe---
im sorry i cant be who you want me to be.
im sorry that i broke your heart. 
i didnt mean to.
im sorry for everything.
its just time.
time to move on..
time to find ourselves.
times to experience life as adults.
this is a grown up decision.
you gotta see that im still here.
im still friends with you.
i still love you. no matter what my title is to you.
sunday made me see how much you true were hurting.
it made me feel horrible to know that ive made you feel like this.
you are an amazing person.
you need to spread that amazingness around.
im not the only person youll ever love.
or the only person you are ever going to lose.
im sorry.
i just couldnt be that girl for you.
just not at this point in my life. 

------

well..im single as if you couldnt tell above.
it was a very hard decision. 
i know it wont be the only hard decision im going to make in my life.
its still important though.
im having a hard time finding myself.

work=insane.
i need a vacation.
i need time.
away. from this place. these people.
waste.

Big Changes.
Big Ideas.
Big adult ideas.
change--unavoidable.
breathe.breathe.
you will be okay.
it hurts
hurts like hell.
life that will do it to ya.
heavy hearted.

ive been sick.
out of control.
bitchy.
weak.

im working with jimmy on a benefit for this site.
seriously amazing.
<3333
sooo tired. god, give me a day of rest already!?!!!!!

my valentines day sucked.

stupid snow.
mother nature, fuck you. seriously.

seriously want that closet...
i love nicole.

been sick for forever.
im just starting to feel better.
i want a new job. seriously.
i gotta send some love to joe and natasha. cause they are the only ones who really read this thing.

blah.

Im a woman of very little words lately. Pictures seem to sum me up better. 
Just know that...
stress.exhausted.lonely. 3 words that seem to sum me up perfectly lately.

sooo...this was my week lately...



actually 2 terrible fights..evolving me drinking alcohol and the same person i was fighting with..im kinda stopping drinking for awhile. tooo emotional lately.

thenn....


Greys anatomy...im obsessed, addicted, full of love and devotion to this show. haha. Seriously...nothing is better the greys anatomy lately...well maybe..but i dont think so.

And finally..
this is how im feeling at this moment in time....







Thats about it.

 

gorgeous much???

im emotionally/physically drained.
i need to be held by my boyfriend. i miss him terribly. 
tonights just not a good night.
my costocondritis is acting up making my chest and shoulders hurt..and im stressin over things. so yea..im not doing so good at all.
sigh* fuck.

yea..i dont bother to update this thing anymore haha.
im fine. i bought tarot cards today..did my own reading after reading the manual how to use them. It came out quite amazingly and honestly made sense. hehe.
im talking to alex and natasha right now.
im happy with that.
things are good..i need more excitement in my life though..
i havent killed amy yet. shes back to work now..surprisingly i dont wanna kill her just yet.
joe starts his job tomorrow.(monday)
good luck baby!
night everyone..ill try to update more.

ive been very tired lately.
sorry for neglecting this.
also sorry for not being so around joe, i love you!!!!
<3

my birthday is on tuesday.
im soo excited i can barely contain myself.
party party party.
drinkdrinkdrink. :]
cant wait.
<333