TO LOVE IS TO LIVE

sad.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:10:50 GMT

I never write in here anymore. But i think this is deff. worth writing about.
i feel so sad when i read your entries anymore natasha. im sure you will read this and yes i do still read your livejournal.
All this talk of drugs and of tripping off them makes me feel so sad for you.
I know i cannot be there like i used to be and even if i was id tell you the same thing im writing within this entry...
you make me sad. disappointed. I know its not my place, im not your mother or even related to you but i remember a time you didnt need drugs to feel okay with life.
i still will always love you but really you do have a problem. it started off with alcohol...and now its drugs.
what got you to this place?
what made you feel like you needed to do drugs to feel okay?
id really like to know.
Again, its not my place to pass judgement but think of it as a friend very much worried about you.
i cannot bare to see you go down the wrong road and ruin your life so early into it.
i do not want you to end up like some junkie who is coming off drugs and ending up getting so bad you could danger your life.
natasha, you need to please take into consideration that drugs KILL people. especially young people.
i suggest you stop before it takes over your life, or worse, ends it.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 08:24:12 GMT

im still alive.
i just am jobless.
boyfriendless.
but im still staying strong.
i dont update this anymore.
hope all is well with everyone :]

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 22:51:07 GMT

one of my fav. pictures of me.

well..i dont update this thing like ever. I do however update a different, private journal.
I should prolly update more here. ill try.
Life is interesting. I still have insomnia. Im still the same girl ive always been...overly emotional..too nice and sweet. Too honest.
Yup, thats me.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 03:19:57 GMT

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 04:10:32 GMT

me^^^

i dont know what to believe in anymore.
petty people arent worth my time.
hopefully going on some trips this summer.
i need out of this town.
my best friend is a total crazy person. i learned that last night.
im still single..surprise...
i dont like boys right now. im fine right now.
august-atlantic city bus trip with joe...
hopefully an amusement park with my cousins mary and ann sometime in the next two weeks.
i have 2 weeks of vacation to use up and i wanted to go see natasha, but yea, shes going to Arizona. soo...hmm...what should i doo????

ciao. i dont update very much.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Sun, 20 May 2007 03:20:53 GMT

what can i say?
i havent updated in a while because my life is changing.
the girl who used to write in this journal is a different one now.
ive moved on to big and better things.
i will still try and update and comment on my friends entries but other than that its been nice livejournal.

anyways..
ive been partying it up on thursdays every week.
i met a bunch of amazing people and every week i meet more.
im single..
im young...
im having a good time.

Heres something thats bothering me....i need to write about it because in my mind it doesnt make much sense.

if you love someone so much, willing to spend the rest of your life with them, how do you go on moving on so fast after a breakup? Wouldnt you think youd take time to get over that person you were in love with before jumping head first, not feet first, but head first into something with someone else not even a month later? It puzzles me how men can be so insensitive to women. But i guess guys will be guys.

i guess i just think a little more than others sometimes.

well..thats about it. work 8-130pm tomorrow...mon. a dr. appt. so i have off.

goodnight

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Wed, 02 May 2007 06:02:26 GMT

waste. complete waste.

Joe---
im sorry i cant be who you want me to be.
im sorry that i broke your heart.
i didnt mean to.
im sorry for everything.
its just time.
time to move on..
time to find ourselves.
times to experience life as adults.
this is a grown up decision.
you gotta see that im still here.
im still friends with you.
i still love you. no matter what my title is to you.
sunday made me see how much you true were hurting.
it made me feel horrible to know that ive made you feel like this.
you are an amazing person.
you need to spread that amazingness around.
im not the only person youll ever love.
or the only person you are ever going to lose.
im sorry.
i just couldnt be that girl for you.
just not at this point in my life.

------

well..im single as if you couldnt tell above.
it was a very hard decision.
i know it wont be the only hard decision im going to make in my life.
its still important though.
im having a hard time finding myself.

work=insane.
i need a vacation.
i need time.
away. from this place. these people.
waste.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 07:54:24 GMT

Big Changes.
Big Ideas.
Big adult ideas.
change--unavoidable.
breathe.breathe.
you will be okay.
it hurts
hurts like hell.
life that will do it to ya.
heavy hearted.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 05:33:18 GMT

ive been sick.
out of control.
bitchy.
weak.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 03:56:57 GMT

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:09:15 GMT

im working with jimmy on a benefit for this site.
seriously amazing.
<3333
sooo tired. god, give me a day of rest already!?!!!!!

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 06:32:53 GMT

JACKS MANNEQUIN!!!
IM GOING TO SEE THEM ON APRIL 21ST. WOOOOOTTTT...
ALSO AUGUSTANA!!
SOOO EXCITED LIKE WHOA.

just wanted you all to know im alive and well.
joe and me signed up for planet fitness gym.
im gonna get my work out on.
tanning tooo.
<33333 you babe.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 07:19:05 GMT

truely love this song.................

my uncle died.
funeral tomorrow.
im so NOT ready for this.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 05:22:36 GMT

my valentines day sucked.

stupid snow.
mother nature, fuck you. seriously.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 05:41:40 GMT

seriously want that closet...
i love nicole.

been sick for forever.
im just starting to feel better.
i want a new job. seriously.
i gotta send some love to joe and natasha. cause they are the only ones who really read this thing.

blah.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 11:57:45 GMT

Im a woman of very little words lately. Pictures seem to sum me up better.
Just know that...
stress.exhausted.lonely. 3 words that seem to sum me up perfectly lately.

sooo...this was my week lately...

actually 2 terrible fights..evolving me drinking alcohol and the same person i was fighting with..im kinda stopping drinking for awhile. tooo emotional lately.

thenn....

Greys anatomy...im obsessed, addicted, full of love and devotion to this show. haha. Seriously...nothing is better the greys anatomy lately...well maybe..but i dont think so.

And finally..
this is how im feeling at this moment in time....

Thats about it.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 06:00:28 GMT

gorgeous much???

im emotionally/physically drained.
i need to be held by my boyfriend. i miss him terribly.
tonights just not a good night.
my costocondritis is acting up making my chest and shoulders hurt..and im stressin over things. so yea..im not doing so good at all.
sigh* fuck.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 05:18:39 GMT

yea..i dont bother to update this thing anymore haha.
im fine. i bought tarot cards today..did my own reading after reading the manual how to use them. It came out quite amazingly and honestly made sense. hehe.
im talking to alex and natasha right now.
im happy with that.
things are good..i need more excitement in my life though..
i havent killed amy yet. shes back to work now..surprisingly i dont wanna kill her just yet.
joe starts his job tomorrow.(monday)
good luck baby!
night everyone..ill try to update more.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 08:06:44 GMT

ive been very tired lately.
sorry for neglecting this.
also sorry for not being so around joe, i love you!!!!
<3

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 05:52:02 GMT

my birthday is on tuesday.
im soo excited i can barely contain myself.
party party party.
drinkdrinkdrink. :]
cant wait.
<333

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 05:38:24 GMT

new layout...
new year.
clean slate? yea...that would be too much to ask for.
<3 you joe

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 06:01:48 GMT

new years eve was amazing
spent the whole day with my baby...we had amazing fun.
got my midnight kiss :] perfect.
i love you honey..

Tarot reading story:
we decided to go Imagicka cause i signed up for a tarot reading at 7pm. OMG! it was the most heart racing thing ever.

Ill try to explain this some how.

-She said that im a thinker, that right now im thinking about alot of things in my life and im contemplating alot on my plate right now, more about love then life.

-She said that theres a choice i have to make and its a big choice and the thing is its between to things...or two people and in the end i will lose one of them. She pulled out the grief card and said that this decision isnt going to be an easy one for me and that its not gonna be easy and that waiting or putting off a decision like this cant happen. I need to decide very soon what i want.

-She pulled a card out that she took and either a best friend or a boyfriend and said that i got alot to think about with one or the other.

-She pulled a card out that said i got something im really good at in life and that i should stick with it because its what im destined to do in my life. Next card she pulled out..she said wow how interesting, she then asked me if i by chance like writing or want to be a writer..i was like yes i wanna be a journalist and she got a smile on her face and said wow..thats amazing, you are destined to do this and this is your calling. Keep focused on it and you will make it.

-Then she pulled a card out that was some card that meant i was a certain sign..she was like are you a taurus? no. a capricorn? yes..Then she said amazing.. Happy birthday..its gotta be soon right? I said january 16th. She said amazing. happy birthday.

-She pulled a card out that was meant for karma. She said its like karma is meant for someone around me and i will see or would like to see them get what they deserve and it will happen.

-She pulled out 3 cards that were money, thinking, and life. She said im either worried about money or that im wondering how im going to make more money in my life. She said im very confused in my life direction. She said that it will clear up.

-Last card she pulled out was a card that meant Its only the beginning for me, She looked at me and said "Its only the beginning honey, dont worry its all gonna work out". And i really did believe her.

Its was like she reached into my head and exposed all my thoughts, naked for the world to see. Id have to say this tarot reading was 100% true and the lady even said This was the most interesting reading ive done all day and ive done alot.

I deff. loved it. :] hehe

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 05:18:51 GMT

ipod shopping tomorrow : ]
i wish i didnt feel like such shit right now.
i think too much according to natasha..shes soo right. :' [
i love you baby. <3

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 06:14:13 GMT

im weird.
love my baby.
christmas was good.
holiday and too much sleep fucked me up.
breathe.

jlhchick1231@yahoo.com — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 07:17:49 GMT

Its gotta be good when you randomly fall asleep watching a really fucked up movie and you wake up to think wow..i really need to email people.

i emailed vicky tonight....i needed her to know why i felt so hurt about me not being there for her wedding. I wrote it all out and then i asked how things were. I dont know how she will respond but going months without talking to her and feeling so hurt...i needed to do it. I also stressed how much i miss her.

next came julien..a simple reminder that i was thinking about him and waiting to hear from him again..and to wish him a merry christmas.

i dont know...i didnt finish the movie..it was like 30 more minutes..and i didnt finish the movie!! :[

it was quite confusing and i woke up confused about where i was and what day it was. trippy haha.

"stay" is the movie.

what a weird feeling.